Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 5
Rewatch! Oh this one's rich. Buried in a box somewhere in the old west is an Evil Head. A psychically sensitive young woman finds it and immediately becomes its mind-controlled minion, and about 50% sluttier because we all know Evil Heads yearn to possess young women so that they can get it on by proxy. Eventually it manipulates the other people on the dude ranch (they have about 100 head of dude) to uncover the rest of its body and reunite the two, which seal together making it whole sure why not. Sadly, it then is knocked over and re-croaks, this time permanently, about 20 seconds later. So much for the power of evil. In the words of Paul Chaplin: "Alternate title: The Thing That Died." In the subplot, it's Observer Time. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEADLY MANTIS Rewatch Season 8, Ep 4
Rewatch! A big frozen bug from prehistory is thawed out and begins eating people. They swat it with a jet plane. This is the last episode with Deep Ape, and begins the "chase" subplot that lasts most of the rest of the season. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE MOLE PEOPLE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 3
Rewatch! Albinos oppress humanoid creatures beneath the surface of the Earth, and the situation is remedied by white guys from the surface. Warning: contains The Load. Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE LEECH WOMAN Rewatch Season 8, Ep 2
Rewatch! A married couple h-a-t-e each other, but the guy's hate diminishes when he discovers he can make his wife young again with special magic neck juice supplied by an African lady. They go to Africa to get more and, well, things deteriorate. Concerning the show's "story arc," the SOL is still in orbit above Deep Ape. There's only four Deep Ape episodes and this is the second one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: REVENGE OF THE CREATURE Rewatch Season 8, Ep 1
Rewatch! The creature from the Black Lagoon is put in a marine park for people to gawk at, until he escapes and causes immense danger. Great job, guys! And hey, it's Clint Eastwood's first movie! As for the show, it's been a few months and a different channel in real time, and 500 years in narrative time. The SOL is now orbiting a planet of apes, although Pearl is also there, and she's continuing the experiment for some reason. Also, Crow's different. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LASERBLAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! A kid living out in the desert gets a ray gun that also turns him green, and he takes out his frustrations in an orgy of laser violence against innocent Star Wars signs, until goofy lizard aliens stop him. It's the last episode of the Comedy Central era of the show. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ESCAPE 2000 Rewatch Season 7, Ep 5
Rewatch! An evil construction company is ruthless in its dealings with people hanging onto their residences. Is actually the sequel to the movie 1990: The Bronx Warriors. There was a time when the premises of movies like this seemed a lot more laughable than they do now. Do we really know Amazon wouldn't resort to measures like this if they really wanted a new warehouse? Anyway, this is the next-to-last Comedy Central episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Next week is Turkey Day! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 4
Rewatch! One of MST3K's Double Adjective Man movies, the others being The Amazing Colossal Man, Teenage Cave Man and Amazing Transparent Man. (There's also Indestructable Man, The Brute Man, The Projected Man and, of course, The Pumaman.) An astronaut returns to Earth and is affected by something that makes him kill people, kind of like a slightly more competent Monster A-Go-Go. In the host segments, Crow shepherds his movie Earth Vs. Soup to completion and through focus groups, a sequence inspired in no small part by Best Brains' experiences in getting MST3K The Movie made. Previously.
Re-rewatch! In a fantasy realm there is this guy called Deathstalker, and he's kind of a hero? Previous movies make him seem a lot more unclothed and morally questionable, whereas here he's just a smug jerk with a sword. Anyway, here he enlists the aid of undead warriors against the villainous sorcerer "Troxartus" or something. Great riffing in this one. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BRUTE MAN Rewatch Season 7, Ep 2
Rewatch! Rondo Hatton is The Creeper, a deformed killer who wants to do something good, and so steals money to help a blind girl, but ends up killing people anyway. Hatton had acromegaly from chemical warfare suffered in World War I, which he managed to use to establish a career in Hollywood as "The Creeper" in a series of movies, but also killed him shortly after The Brute Man was made. Tragedy surrounds us. But there's also a short promising all the wonder and joy and relief from suffering that the future surely has in store for us: The Chicken of Tomorrow! Oh? Oh. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST Rewatch Season 7, Ep 1
Rewatch! A dead astronaut comes back down to Earth, not-dead but infested by aliens who plan to use his body as a spearhead to invade Earth. Is it just me or is that a weird plan? Also with a short, Once Upon A Honeymoon, which naturally has to do with telephones. We re-enter the series after The Movie, without Frank and now with new regular Pearl Forrester. It's the beginning of Season 7, only six episodes long and the last hurrah of the show on Comedy Central. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAMSON VS THE VAMPIRE WOMEN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 24
Rewatch! One of the most improbable movie crime fighters of all time is Samson, a.k.a. El Santo the luchador, who here tangles with the undead and the forces of evil. It's "TV's" Frank Conniff's last episode until his guest appearance in Season 10, the last episode of Season 6, and the last episode before Pearl Forrester becomes a regular Mad. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 23
Rewatch! A mad MAD I SAY scientist makes a criminal invisible, great idea, and said crook wants to use his new amazing transparentness for crookly purposes. With short The Days Of Our Years, in which the pastor of a church laments that machines keep inflicting grevious harm on his parishioners. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ANGELS REVENGE Rewatch Season 6, Ep 22
Re-rewatch! Welcome back to the seventies, where a bunch of women in sheer garments could single-handedly take on militias and drug dealers and the only casualty they suffer would be their teenage girl member, and who would just be knocked out, not die or anything. A large amount of low-level star power in this one, including the likes of Jim Backus, Alan Hale Jr. and Pat Buttram. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 21
Rewatch! Flag on the moon. How'd it get there? It's the last of the three Coleman Francis movies, every one of them a vision into the dark heart of humankind, but this one also has Tor Johnson! Francis himself doesn't act in it, but he does narrate the entire movie. Come for the musings on technology ("Push a button. Things happen. A man becomes a monster."), stay to feed soda pop to the hungry pigs. Good freaking luck. A lot of your enjoyment of this episode comes from your investment in the MST3K premise. If you sit in front of the screen with your arms folded and say, "I'm here TV. Entertain me!", you will DIE. But if you want to see just how bad a movie can be, and a person trapped in space make fun of it with his automated mocking machines, this is some fine viewin'.Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: DANGER! DEATH RAY Rewatch Season 6, Ep 20
Re-rewatch! Swave spy-guy Bart Fargo (Bart Fargo Bart Fargo) hunts people who've kidnapped the inventor of a death ray in an episode whose stature has grown over the years. Ding! Ba-dup-ba-dup-ba-da-dah da dah. Previously and again. With this, we have ten Comedy Central episodes left.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RED ZONE CUBA Rewatch Season 6, Ep 19
Re-rewatch! Welcome back to Cuba, for the middle section of the movie that takes place there! Our protagonists are criminal at best, murderous at worst. Written, directed and starring Coleman Francis, whose vision of bleak despair and dark ennui practically sloughs off the screen. With great riffing, but a terrible movie, this is one of those episodes that really puts the show's premise, watching a bad movie but having what fun you can with it, to the ever loving test. There is a short beforehand, Platform Posture and Appearance. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT Rewatch Season 6, Ep 18
Rewatch! A smart high school student makes terrible decisions, decides to help crooks steal "a million bucks!" out of a safe, and causes the death of several people. Roger Corman executive produces. This episode also has the short titled Out Of This World, which obviously given the name is about a bread delivery man being tempted to slack off at his job. His work ethic is the subject of a bet between an angel and a devil, as written of in the book of Sara Lee. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SWORD AND THE DRAGON Rewatch Season 6, Ep 17
Rewatch! One of the four Russo-Finnish movies MST has done, and the third and last of the three Aleksandr Ptushko films. Actually a pretty great movie, with high production values, but also some very strange goings on. Kind of an underrated episode if you ask me. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RACKET GIRLS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 16
Rewatch! Girls wrestle and wrestle and wrestle and wrestle. There's a plot about money laundering. But mostly, girls wrestle. It's pretty skeevy. Since the last time we did this movie, I've learned that it's actually kind of the second in a trilogy, of a set of movies connected by having the character of Umberto Scalli, played by Timothy Farrell. The lady wrestlers are played by real lady wrestlers. Has the short Are You Ready For Marriage, containing 100% more BOING than the standard short! Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: KITTEN WITH A WHIP Rewatch Season 6, Ep 15
Rewatch! A straight-laced political candidate gets mixed up with a troubled young lady, who threatens to make him look bad if he doesn't acquiesce to her whims. Oh, won't anyone think of the problems of the rich and powerful? Kevin Murphy dresses as a cat in a host segment, so there is that. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL Rewatch Season 6, Ep 14
Re-rewatch! (wait, really?) A fairly bog-standard pilot for a TV show from 1970, about the people and events at a major airport. This one did make it to series, but with an almost entirely different cast. File this under Seventies-tastic. This is the third time MST Club has done this one, since it somehow made it into the best-of poll we did a few years back. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SINISTER URGE Rewatch Season 6, Ep 13
Rewatch! Ed Wood is the only one who can teach us about the dangers, the EVILS of pornography. Because Ed Wood is so pure and noble in that regard. Also there's a short, Keeping Clean and Neat, to teach kids about hygiene, so gather 'round kids, rather 'round the laptop! Previously. [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE STARFIGHTERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 12
Re-rewatch! Soar along at Mach 2 in one of the most notoriously dangerous aircraft ever made! Basically a promotional piece for the US Air Force and the F-104 Starfighter jet, we follow the brain-killing career of a bright young pilot tragically burdened with the fate of being played by Bob Dornan, as he fights his Congressman father's rather reasonable wishes that he be transferred to a job where he doesn't put his life on the line frequently through the act of just flying an airplane. Come for the copious in-flight refueling, stay for the poopie suit party! A difficult movie, but great to watch subjected to the attentions of a spaceborne guy and his automated mocking devices. Previously and again. Also, this movie has an entire post on the blue about it.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: LAST OF THE WILD HORSES Rewatch Season 6, Ep 11
Rewatch! A cowboy is framed for murder, although judging by most westerns, everyone is killing everyone else constantly, so why would anyone ever have to be framed for it? This was MST3K's final Robert Lippert-produced movie, and last Albert Glasser-scored one. This is also the episode where mirror-universe Dr. F and Frank riff the film for the first segment. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE VIOLENT YEARS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 10
Rewatch! Some young women go on a rampage directed by Ed Wood. There's also a short, Young Man's Fancy, about a girl with "squishy" feelings making a dinner, but is actually about how great General Electric appliances are. This is the episode with the "Turn you crank to Frank!" radio station jokes, which were a riff on Minneapolis country station WBOB, their slogan: "Turn your knob to BOB!" A fun episode in general. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE SKYDIVERS Rewatch Season 6, Ep 9
Re-rewatch! Coleman Francis wrote and directed three movies and MST3K did them all. It's telling that he made three films that he poured his sweat and soul into--and that all three are barely watchable, and among the worst of all movies. Bring lots of coffee! Also has the short Why Study Industrial Arts, so also bring along lots of fresh sawdust. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD Rewatch Season 6, Ep 8
Re-rewatch! This episode is more popular than I suspected, partly on the strength, perhaps, of its short, A Day at the Fair. The movie itself is a spy-themed made-for-TV thing, made by Quinn Martin, originally intended as an NBC series pilot. The plot has to do with a couple of people trying to protect a deadly gas that can kill people on contact, which is indeed pretty deadly. It sounds impossible to work with. The host segments spotlight MST3K's least-considered regular character: Magic Voice. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BLOODLUST! Rewatch Season 6, Ep 7
Rewatch! In which we find out, for a hunter, the most thrilling prey of all is Mike Brady (Robert Reed). Also has the short Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm! Also, the first episode with Pearl Forrester, long before the became an official Mad! And the fiddle player in the square dance scene, off-screen, is reputed to be Maria Bamford! There, I think that's all the interesting points. Riff away. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE CREEPING TERROR Rewatch Season 6, Ep 6
Re-rewatch! Time to watch a carpet eat half a small town again! The great thing about this movie is nothing. The great thing about this episode is that the movie is so goofy and nonsensical that it's watchable on its own just to try to figure out whatever the hell is coming next. The riffs add onto that. This is unquestionably in the worst-of-the-worst pile, a bona-fide cinematic un-chievement. Previously and again.
Rewatch! No one named Colossus is in this movie, instead it has
My Cheesesteak Maciste, beating people up as he is wont to do. One of the less popular pepla the MST crew did, perhaps because it doesn't have captive women or moon men in the title. This is the one with Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter, and the song regarding same. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE Rewatch Season 6, Ep 4
Re-rewatch! A relatively recent movie, but extra disjointed, with no less than two unexplained prologues before the real story. Ultimately a Magic Lady brings a buff young man back to life to avenge his death and bring justice to a crooked cop played by Adam West. It does contain "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead on its soundtrack, but it's also heavily edited for television. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE DEAD TALK BACK Rewatch Season 6, Ep 3
Re-rewatch! It's the third time we've shown this manifestly absurd film, about a parapsychologist with a Kermit-the-Frog voice who assumes that he has gravitas, and everyone else in the movie seems to believe it too. He lives in the basement of a boarding house with a collection of pseudo-supernatural trinkets, where he awaits the call of Law Enforcement when they need his, um, special talents. Sadly a lot of the movie is talking. Comes with a short, The Selling Wizard, in which a narrator and a mute pizza dominatrix jointly attempt to sell the audience on commercial freezer units. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: INVASION U.S.A. Rewatch Season 6, Ep 2
Rewatch! One of a long line of propagandist movies intended to rile up the public against the USSR. It's easy to get this one mixed up with Rocket Attack USA, made under a similar zeitgeist. That was a Joel episode with spies going to the USSR and failing to stop a missile attack against New York City, a lady spy seducing a Russian general for secrets, and a blind man walking during an immanent nuclear attack telling the camera, "Help me!" This is a Mike episode where a two-bit hypnotist zaps a bar full of people into experiencing a vivid hallucination of a Soviet military attack on their city. (Hypnosis was another overblown fear at the time, but didn't have as much of a concerted push to make people afraid of it.) With the short A Date With Your Family, starring Hugh Beaumont, it's a very fifties worldview on display. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GIRLS TOWN Rewatch Season 6, Ep 1
Re-rewatch! Unexpectedly popular for yet another black-and-white teen anger movie. This is the one with nuns. Also has Mamie Van Doren (still alive and on Twitter!), Paul Anka, Mel Torme and Dick Contino. In MST history, this is the first episode of Season Six, the one that introduced the Umbilicus, a space pipe that connects Deep 13 with the SOL. Previously and again. Notes on shows inside-- [more inside]
Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 TO THE MOON Rewatch Season 5, Ep 24
Rewatch! At least I think it is, this is one of those movies it's easy to forget exists for some reason. This is another of those movies where half of the time amounts to: "Gee whiz! Space!" There's a lot of preparing and rocketry and interviews with intrepid scientists and getting ready to let's all go to space. With cats. Then we get to space and meet aliens. Who want our cats. The short, however, is Design for Dreaming, and it's terrific, just completely crazy, bonkers, nutso, a highlight of the show's entire run. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS Rewatch Season 5, Ep 23
Rewatch! Little Ronnie Howard invents a growth "goo" that the angry teens in town get into and cause problems. The last Bert I. Gordon movie MST would cover (as of pre-Season 13). Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE Rewatch Season 5, Ep 22
Rewatch! This one's kind of a sleeper. Some teens break out of jail (where teens come from) and menace a farm family. Teens only get more dangerous with age, folks, and these are at least 30. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: RADAR SECRET SERVICE Rewatch Season 5, Ep 20
Rewatch! The new space-age miracle science of RADAR will solve all problems, including that of catching criminals. The movie is a drag, but riffing on the short, Last Clear Chance, about a policeman who ominously shows up at a family home to issue dire warnings about traffic safety around railroad tracks, is terrific. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: OUTLAW Rewatch Season 5, Ep 19
Re-rewatch! Gor is a desert planet where few people wear much clothes, and our hero Tarl Cabot ("Cabot? Cabot!") travels there from Earth via mystic jewelry, although he doesn't encounter their famous houseplants. Watch our for Jack Palance crapping bigger than any of us. Verily it is a toobular boobular joy! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE ATOMIC BRAIN Rewatch Season 5, Ep 18
Rewatch! An old rich lady decides to use her considerable resources, including her own mad scientist and a nuclear reactor in her basement (wow, really?), to have her brain swapped into the body of one of three younger women. The eventual result? Let's just say she better hope she can develop a taste for Meow Mix. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: BEGINNING OF THE END Rewatch Season 5, Ep 17
Rewatch! On of the more entertaining of the episodes featuring the 50s monster attack genre of movie. Huge grasshoppers attack (a postcard of) Chicago while the army is helpless against the giant insect menace. Directed by Bert I. Gordon, Mr. BIG himself. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: ALIEN FROM L.A. Rewatch Season 5, Ep 16
Re-rewatch! At the center of the earth lies, apparently, a lost colony of Australians, living, also apparently, in a half-baked version of the techno-dystopia from the Super Mario Bros movie. Into this falls Wanda Saknussemm, played by supermodel Kathy Ireland, here cast as a high-pitched nerd girl. You know those movies where all a young woman has to do to be popular is lose the spectacles and wear a swimsuit? That's the story here, although it also involves falling down a "bottomless pit," running for her life from an oppressive government and their fiendish "Lotto," and a person with three-inch eyelashes. Also: the movie has a sequel, it turns out! Previously, and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE WILD WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN Rewatch Season 5, Ep 15
Re-rewatch! One of the most bizarre movies MST3K ever did. An opening scene in which three young women hold a strangely officious rite in which they induct a new member into being a "synthetic vampire," which in this world means being part of a crime-fighting organization headed by Batwoman (no relation to any DC Comics characters). But that's only the start of this deeply nonsensical movie, which involves an "atomic hearing air," a seance involving a spirit speaking offensive mock Chinese, and a weird hunchback named Heathcliff. Great riffing, but some people find it difficult to survive this one. Fortunately it comes with one of the show's best shorts, Cheating! Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: TEEN-AGE STRANGLER Rewatch Season 5, Ep 14
Rewatch! Someone's strangling teen girls and the blame falls on members a local gang. This is the movie with Mikey, the object of some scorn by the space-trapped human and his automated mocking machines. Has the short "Is This Love?", and you can just imagine how they treat that one. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE Rewatch Season 5, Ep 13
Rewatch! A brilliant scientist is thought of as "mad," and only because he saves his girlfriend's severed head when she is killed in a car crash, then keeps it alive by setting it in Neck Juice (TM), allowing her to befriend the terrible monster he keeps in his basement while he goes out trying to murder women to provide her with a donor body. But really, is that "mad?" Okay. Yeah, on further reflection I guess it is. Oh, and he has an assistant with his own weird issues. This is Mike Nelson's first episode as host of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: MITCHELL Rewatch Season 5, Ep 12
Re-rewatch! Mitchell is a dull, stupid, unlikable cop. I mean, the movie even says that. The movie seems to be making the point that, all the smart cops would naturally be on the take, so we need dumb ones, and Mitchell, he's just the dumb cop we need. Then it goes and shows us the implications of that by following Mitchell around, like it's trying to tell us, "don't look away, this is necessary!" You could get a really dim view of human nature watching Mitchell. It makes for fine riffing though! This is also Joel's last episode as host of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Previously and again.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: GUNSLINGER Rewatch Season 5, Ep 11
Rewatch! While the name of Roger Corman is often derided on the show, it seems most of the time he produced rather than directed. Well, he directs this one. It's not a bad story I think, about a women whose husband is gunned down, so she becomes sheriff. Um, is that how it works? Alas, she falls in love with a gun hired to kill her. This is Joel's penultimate episode as host, meaning next week: it's Mitchell time. Previously.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE PAINTED HILLS Rewatch Season 5, Ep 10
Rewatch! Go get your snausages, it's time to watch MST3K's one and only Lassie movie! Although in this one her name is "Shep," and she's more of a menacing presence than the friendly, loyal and English-understanding collie of TV. Her prospector owner is killed by someone trying to steal his claim, and she wants nothing of it. Ask not for whom the dog growls.... Also has Body Care and Grooming, a short, the last short Joel riffed during his tenure as host. Previously
Mystery Science Theater 3000: THE GIRL IN LOVERS LANE Rewatch Season 5, Ep 9
Ah, rewatch! Drifting seems a fine use of your time, right? That's what a couple of guys just roaming around, Danny and Bix, think. But then they go to a town and they break the Drifter Code: they get involved with local girls. And then a pointlessly stupid tragedy occurs that makes you question why you even cared about the story in the first place. Previously. There is some Club news inside. [more inside]